The year is almost over and I am so far from my goal of being debt free. So far. But I try to stay positive. I try to write encouraging posts that inspire others. But today I don’t feel inspired or inspiring. Far from it. I honestly feel like giving up. You won’t find any nuggets of wisdom or great takeaways in this post. Today I’m just letting it all hang out – the good, the bad, and the frustrated.
Sometimes I Just Want To Give Up
It wasn’t always like this. My day actually started on a really optimistic note. I was feeling good about my finances and the potential for success this month held. I had redeemed $10 of PayPal credit from an app and was sending it off as an extra debt payment (you know I love small payments). I came in under budget for the third week in a row at the grocery store – whoo hoo! I was feeling excited and hopeful.
But then the phone call came. The one telling me that a repair needed on my car is going to cost … $700. The sun stopped shining. Butterflies stopped flapping their wings. All of the rainbows and unicorns disappeared. Sorry for the dramatics, but it really felt like a punch in the stomach and I had to fight back tears. All of the small efforts I take every day to improve my finances, to get out of debt, to help my family live a better life – instantly wiped out. “What’s the point?” I think to myself. I just want to give up.
This is not the first time I have felt this way. There have been many days where I have felt discouraged. I love to post the positive and to share my successes, but the reality is that a lot of days suck.
The necessary car repair is the result of a dumb mistake. And it was totally my fault. There wasn’t an accident, and nobody was hurt. It was just a careless, rushed moment, where I was distracted by kids and my to do list. A $700 mistake that I am now beating myself up for.
I could take $700 out of my shiny new $1,000 emergency fund. But should I? Should I wipe out the hard fought goal I only just reached last month? It wasn’t an emergency, it was just stupidity. A careless moment that ended up costing me a lot.
This wasn’t the first time I wasted money by doing something stupid and it surely won’t be the last. In fact, I have a few more I have been meaning to write about.
The Debt Struggle Is Real
Sometimes I wonder, do my goals really matter? Am I obsessing over something (getting out of debt) that I shouldn’t? Do I need to let it go? It is incredibly frustrating to “do all the right things” and still feel like you’re never getting ahead.
The journey to get out of debt is long and it is hard. I want to give up. I am tired. Every day I wake up, get out of bed, and start TRYING. Trying to make money, trying to save money, trying to get my family out of debt and into a better financial place. I. Am. Exhausted. I want to give up.
But I also don’t want to struggle anymore. I don’t want to be in a place where $700 is a number that ruins my day, week, month, or year. I don’t want to live this life of endless payments and fees and interest. I don’t want to live every day of my life stressed over money. So I might cry into my pillow tonight over this unwanted setback, but I will wake up tomorrow and try again.
I can’t give up.
Anyone else ever feel like giving up? Have a vent in the comments below!