My jaw is tense, my shoulders tight. I may have started grinding my teeth in my sleep again (something I first picked up during wedding planning). A dull headache has been my constant companion for several days. My stomach swells and aches from stress eating – a habit I fought hard to break in order to lose weight. I have been pushing hard and running at full speed in every area of my life and I’m reaching my breaking point.
I didn’t reach the goals I set for myself this weekend. I didn’t accomplish everything on my to do list. And I’m having trouble letting go of the feelings of disappointment. I want to keep pushing, to stay up late, to have another cup of coffee, even though my mind is fried and I know I can’t be productive. I’m beating myself up over a few tasks left unfinished and ignoring all that I do every single day (from running a household, to keeping two kids alive). As the old phrase goes, I cannot see the forest for the trees.
I need to find a way to reset. To refresh my tired body and weary mind.
One item on the unfinished to do list this weekend? Write blog posts! When I think about my blog and what direction I’d like to take it in as it grows, I am really drawn to the topics of self love and self care. Time to be totally honest with you though – I really suck at self love and self care! Maybe that is why I feel so passionate about them – because I am so desperate to experience them for myself. When I said I was wishing for more grace, rest, and calm in 2017, I wasn’t kidding.
So instead of pushing harder, and staying up later, I stopped. I took a hot shower to relax. And then I gave myself exactly thirty minutes to write this perfectly imperfect blog post for Monday morning. After that thirty minutes I’m sending myself straight to bed. If it doesn’t get finished, it doesn’t get finished (same goes for the load of laundry I’m leaving in the dryer until another day). It’s a compromise of sorts between my soul that so desperately craves more rest and my mind that is so driven to achieve. If it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done. The world will keep on spinning.
Hopefully I wake up refreshed Monday morning, ready to tackle a new week. If not, we’ll need to explore self care even more and come up with a better plan.